I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
