I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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