Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
