I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
