1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
