She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
