oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Randomize
