Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
