I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I've blown a few things in my day
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
