Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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