I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
