I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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