she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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