great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
