I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
