I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Randomize
