I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize