A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
