we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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