I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
