So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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