I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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