So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i think i have herpe
just one?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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