So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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