I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize