please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
