Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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