I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
where am i from again
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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