On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You have to summon your inner elephant
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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