just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
