i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
