Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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