chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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