I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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