He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize