He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
