Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
love makes seman taste better
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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