Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
don't judge my taste in strippers
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
