I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize