Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
