My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
