Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Farmville is her only friend.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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