i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
