The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
