Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
