Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
