the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
