forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
