I'm gonna have a badass scar
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
