THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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