remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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