why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
