what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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