You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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