I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
