wrigley field is MILF paradise
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize