The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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