you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
