I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
