There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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