so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
