How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
