from now on my penis is your penis
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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