I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
